better, better, better.

during my lunch break today, i had appointment #2 with prof pcos.

turns out, prof pcos is not a good name for him. because he? does not believe in the term pcos. ha. turns out he reckons it's used to a whole bunch of different syndromes, just because they share some symptoms. he prefers the term 'androgen dysfunction syndrome' (not sure whether i translated that alright), and has developed (and just recently published) a classification system for it. according to him, i've androgen dysfunction syndrome level I, which means that it's of ovarian origin (it can apparently also stem from the adrenal cortex or the pancreas) which i guess translates to what others would call 'pcos without insuline resistance'.

prof pcos reckons that two years ago, at 90kg, he would have most likely had to classify me differently, as he reckons my hormones must have been a lot worse back then, so losing all this weight has been really beneficial. he thinks i should definitely stay at this weight or loose just a little bit more. more motivation, that.

in any way, there is nothing i can and nothing i need to do right now. those superlong cycles without ovulation? (147 days today!) they are my normal.

that sucks, yes, but there's not point in stressing about creating cycles for me just for show. should my other symptoms - the shrinking boobs, the hair loss, the hirsutism - ever get too annoying, he'd totally prescribe meds. unless that happens or unless i need birth control or do want to get pregnant, after all, there's nothing to do, really. apart from living healthily and well and checking out the lining of my uterus via ultrasound every once in a while and maybe artifically kickstarting a bleed every few months to keep that all healthy. do-able, i thinkg.

i did ask how this diagnosis would impact my chances of being able to conceive, and he was really optimistic and positive about it. i'd need help, yes, but my ovaries (despite their obvious confusion) seemed relatively happy and healthy. trying to get me to ovulate would be tricky (because of the risk of overstimulation) but definitely possible. he also doesn't expect me to enter menopause early, and said that even though my egg quality would obviously decline, i'd probably have another ten or fifteen years of being able to conceive. phew. even though that's just an opinion, and far from a guarantee and whatnot, it kinda felt as if my biological clock was turned backwards a bit. good stuff. as much as i don't want a kid right now, and can't have a kid with the bf, i think about it so very very much. i can't imagine my life with a kid right now (but isn't it like that for everyone?), but at the same time, i have to admit that i can't really imagine my life without everything that having a kid, a family, entails. i see the bf and his grown-up daughter and it breaks my heart to envision my life missing out on that kind of relationship.
it's such a big topic, that one. but right now, i just can't envision leaving the first relationship that has ever really made me happy because of this. maybe i'd never find someone who'd be willing to mix his genes with mine, anyway, and then what?

hard. all of it. it's doubtlessly going to be a hot topic for a good long while.

but anyway. that appointment? was really good. even if not being able to do anything, not being prescribed anything apart from living healthily (hell yes!) is a bit weird. oh well. me=kinda stoked about finally having a diagnosis from a capable source. good stuff.

the rest of the day was so-so. work was kinda busy but actually fun as i got to do a radio interview for (get this) a hungarian radio show (in english) on how the german web scene is reacting to the swine flu. very funny, that. can't wait to hear my voice with added hungarian dubbing. ha!

got out of work by six, spend half an hour buying tights (that's how i roll) and chatting with the saleslady about weight loss (because i was all confused, still, about sizing). i am not officially one of those annoying ladies who tells others to join weight watchers. bad me! then headed to the gym, where i had a nicely exhausting work out. and then dinner, by myself at home. and chocolate.

it's all so much better. oh yes.

daily goal check
  • breakfast at work by 11am - YES! (leftover homemade pumpkin pie)
  • drink at least 2l of water at work - NOPE! (prolly about 1l)
  • no baking at home - YES!
  • a lunch break, every day - KINDA! (got out of the office, but had aforementioned doc appointment)
  • no more bread rolls during the workday - NOPE! (bad planning meant that i was huuuungry again and lots of work meant that i couldn't prep my carrots, so i had a tiny roll with vegemite. boo!)
  • workouts on monday, wednesday and saturday - YES! (15 min rowing, 2 rounds weight circuit as prescribed, weights, 30 min arc trainer, 30 min hypoxy, stretching)

[nablopomo 04/30]

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