now that i've lost weight. [#4]

now this will sound rather pro-ana, but one of the fave parts on my newly skinny body? is that bony dent on my sternum. oh yes, indeed.

after you killed me.

this week, people? it has killed, no, slayed me. (don't i say this every week, btw?) there's just been a mount everest of work, way too little sleep, the gym trips have been hard and i'm just...spent.

so glad it's friday night now. so glad i got my bum to the gym tonight already, so glad that all i have to do tonight is put one more story online, tidy up a wee bit and pack my bag for the weekend trip r. and i are going to embark on tomorrow to see his - please laugh now, or wonder what kind of weird life i lead - erm, wife and her new boyfriend.

see, r. and her split up six years or so ago, and just haven't gotten divorced yet, for visa reasons, among other things (they're going to, soon though, because she wants kids with her new bf). their relationship is all amicable and i like her a lot (totally would have married her, if i was him) and i am super curious about her new boyfriend. good stuff, actually, all that. we just don't see each other nearly enough. last time was in late april. which should spark some comments, seeing i was about 15kg heavier then. ahem.

so yeah: long weekend ahead, because i've got monday off work as well. there'll be sleeping in tomorrow, then a relaxed train trip, and then fun with friends and on monday, there'll be shopping, just the guy and me, before we head home.

it's going to be splendid.

everything has been pretty alright, really, despite the stress. eating-wise, i'm in the groove, really. switched my breakfast to oatmeal, and that keeps me super-satisfied and happy for a good long while and is very yummy. also had a hot lunch (just some organic soup) some days, and that's been awesome, too. even my no carb-evening on wednesday was easy. same's true for the gym: that new workout schedule i'm on is super-intense, but super-quick, and i'm loving both.

only thing that's not been so great are my knees: haven't been icing them diligently (for lack of time, haha), and they were hurting during regular walking today. and during rowing. duh. which (as sick as that is) makes me feel better for not running that long planned and paid for 5,5k in basel tomorrow. sob!

anyway. 'tis all good. really.

looking at the woman in the mirror.

19 april 2008

20 november 2009

cd166

and on cycle day 166, my body decided it was time to menstruate again. hooray!

[also: ouch! and: now my whole freaking out-eating crap-thing over the weekend makes even more sense! weeh!]

post-freak out.

i'm home again, and the weekend seems a lot less terrible than, say, 20 hours ago. this trip to my parents, while stressful, was a lot better than expected, actually. i'm just glad it's over for now, and that contact has been re-established. we can all move forward now, and it's going to get better from now on. or something.

my eating hasn't been much better today though than yesterday, i'm afraid. brekkie and lunch were really good, but there's been tons of mediocre snacking again, and then a four hour train trip, and right now, i'm hungry and waiting for a friend to finish work so that we can finally, finally head out to our planned late-night dinner. i've already forgiven myself for the snacking yesterday and today. i was stressed out and lonely and medicated in a crappy way, but it's ok. it happened, i can't change it, and feeling bad about it won't make a positive difference. i'll move forward. i can and will make better choices the rest of today and tomorrow and the rest of the week, month, year, my life.

stuff i've eaten since arriving at my parents place 30 hours ago.

• three tiny mozzarella/tomato amuse geule (four course dinner friday night)
  
• a medium sized mixed salad (dinner)
  
• a crazy amount of bread (dinner)
• a glass of wine (dinner)
• some fried potatoes and cabbage (dear restaurant: that was a total vegetarian menu fail, especially after the potato soup with bacon, dinner)
• dessert - tiny portions of creme caramel, panna cotta and tiramisu (dinner)
• about four espresso (dinner)
• two cups of coffee (breakfast)
  
• two bread rolls with vegemite (breakfast)
• an apple (breakfast)
• an amaranth bar (snack on a stressful drive)
  
• an apple/almond bar (snack on a stressful drive)
• a few rice cakes (snack on a stressful drive)
• about two bites of apple strudel (coffee & cake)
  
• a few mints (coffee & cake)
• one spekuloos and some choc covered kruidnoten (coffee & cake)
• a few slices of dark whole wheat bread (pre-dinner snack)
  
• pasta with veggie sauce (dinner, so not-filling)
  
• several slices of kandijkoek (before and after dinner, because of stress, really)
  
• a domino ice cream (dessert, in a superstressful situation)
  
• two espresso; and
  
• two cups of tea.

me, stressed? why're you asking?

i am visiting my parents this week, for the first time in about 16 months, and i am just about to collapse into my old routines here. this is all so very fucking hard. there's so much crappy food around, food is so meaningful round here, and i feel so bad about everything, that i want to stuff my face with icecream and chocolate to make me feel better. as if that would help. crazy. instead, it makes it all worse, obviously.

i've also scratched my scalp bloody and scratched around so many pimples and blackheads that i look like i've been in a cat fight. doesn't help either.

i'm amazed how crappy my parents eat. their stuff (like the bread rolls for brekkie) leaves me hungry. and i'm also lonely. and tired. and everything. the weekend was much better than expected, but still so very hard. it's still hard. it's freaking 2am, and i'm still up, just to have some time to myself.

i have to be on at all times. and it's tiring. i need to remind myself that eating will not solve the problem, if the problem isn't hunger.

even if i still have trouble with that realisation, really, today's carb extravaganza will not be repeated tomorrow. i found some fage in a dutch supermarket and stocked up on all bran, so i'll have a regular breakfast tomorrow. and head home in the early afternoon. it's about time. all will be good. and i'll leave all the great and yummy dutch sweets that my mom bought here. i will not take them home.

right now? i'm sad. and i feel terribly lonely. and tired.

oh, and have i mentioned that right after i had arrived, my mom talked about my weight loss ("c. has lost 25 pounds", ha, 25 POUNDS?) to people i'd never met before, which i found terribly humiliating.

in any way:

i should go to bed instead of rummaging throught the kitchen, right? right.

oink oink?

two of our superclose friends have h1n1. namely the bfs two co-workers (i.e. the people with whom he co-owns and runs the shop with). and have i mentioned yet, that in our circle of friends, we kiss each other on the mouth to say hello? we total IDIOTS?

just last week, r. and i were talking about dropping that habit for the pandemic. guess that was a bit late.

m. has been super sick for two days and her doc has diagnosed h1n1 (not sure whether by test) and has given her a sickness certificate for (get this) TEN DAYS (you usually get three round here). r. is with his gf in zurich right now, and has been supersick for two days as well. heading to the doc tomorrow. he calle our local doc (we all share a gp, seriously), and he reckons it's h1n1.

the bf and i? we're next. like: totally.

i'm either the worlds' biggest hypochondriac (and i very well could be), or some virus or other is giving me the chills right now and those weirdly flushy cheeks i've had all arvo and...

duh.

i feel sick.

and i'm supposed to trip up north to my rents tomorrow (for the first time in 18 months). which i totally don't want to do, but if i cancelled on them because of the effing swine flu, they'd never believe it, ever, and it'd be a major catastrophe. but the way i feel this very moment? i will NOT sit on a train tomorrow.

duh!

[nablopomo 19/31]

post-gym-no-carb-night.

my first post-gym-no-carb-night has been pretty damn easy. dinner was a nicely baked chunck of salmon accompanied by a mountain of broccoli. not missing them carbs right now, even though a piece of fancy choc (or two, or three) would definitely be awesome now.

am pretty exhausted right now. the gym was fine tonight (even though i forgot my socks and in turn gave myself a bloody blister, yay), and i'm so happy that it was such a speedy endeavour again. did 30 minutes on the rowing machine (6,3k), two rounds milon fat burning circuit (good lord, i'd forgotten how long one minute can be!), 30 minutes inside the hypoxi, stretched and headed home. awesome. i reckon i'll start sauna-ing on wednesday nights from now on, just a quick little round. those 30 extra minutes will doubtlessly be worth it.

right now, i feel as if someone had pulled the plug on me though. definitely time to head to bed. asap.


[things i still need to write about: that weight pleateau i've been hanging out on and what pt thomas thinks about it, not being allowed to run that race i signed up for back in september, the upcoming weekend trip to see my 'rents]

[nablopomo 18/30]

my new obsession.

hello, my name is c., and i've recently developed an obsession with super high quality weirdo tights. i love them. love, love, love, love, love them. give me paisley, and stripes and colour and texture. i want them all.

i keep thinking 'now, how did that happen?' (usually when standing at the cash register at the tights-shop, forking over good money for leg coverings that have been imported from italy) but really, i shouldn't be surprised. after all, the past two summers featured a lot of leggings. including some in colours other than black. maybe this is a natural progression of sorts.

it's still really weird, though. because i hated tights, back in the day. they were a must-wear-thing, not a wanna-wear-thing. they always tore. they never fit.

i remember one incident, oh, nine years back, when i was wearing some way-too-expensive-control-top-tights to my then law firm job in melbourne. i'd bought the largest size available at myer (ignoring the size chart), and that thing just didn't fit. everything was wrong about these tights. they were digestion-stoppingly tight all around, and the crotch kept sliding down. which caused two rolls of thigh flesh to get caught above the gusset and rubbing against each other. all day. i remember being close to tears in the bathroom stall at the office in the afternoon, sweaty from the effort of trying to get myself into these tights again. and close to tears. in the end, the tights won. at the end of the day, when i finally got home and could take them off, the insides of my thighs were rubbed raw. ouch.

it's so different now. tights are not a torture contraption anymore. they fit. they last. they're like underwear, in a way, and much more comfy than a bra. but above all, they're an accessory. and i've realised i like my accessories kinda eccentric.

pleasantly spent.

had my first appointment with pt thomas tonight, and i think i'll stay with him for good (or until he also leaves for australia, haha). he's super exact, gives very clear instructions and totally gets that i need very clear instructions. and a lot of no's.

here are a few of 'em:

• no running
• no 5,5k race on november 28
• no arc trainer
• no crosstrainer
• no weight-bearing cardio of any kind

there were a few 'yes', however, as well:

• yes, he totally thinks that i will eventually lose the 3kg i want to lose (to get me to 60kg)
• yes, he reckons what i've been doing has been good
• yes, he reckons i can get back to running, eventually

hopped on the fat-measuring scale, and while there was a slight improvement of a pound or so, it really doesn't count (considering it was the end of the day and whatnot). thomas reckons that the fact i've been exclusively doing the milon strength circuit for the past six weeks is to blame for that plateau that i've been hanging around on, lately, and that it'll improve as soon as i'm changing the routine up again.

so here's what he's changing my programme to:

mondays and saturdays:
15 minutes rowing (warm up)
2 rounds milon strength circuit
a bunch of machines (at 2 sets of 12 reps max)
10-15 minutes of rowing at high intensity (heartrate consistently above 150 and up to 190 bpm)
stretching
(on saturdays, i might add 30 min on the hypoxi treadmill and the sauna)

wednesdays:
30 minutes rowing (warm up)
2 rounds milon fat burning circuit
a bunch of machines
30 minutes hypoxi treadmill
stretching
(afterwards: no carbs for the rest of the day)

sounds very do-able, and really works well with my general week-planning and all. got home at just past 8pm today. fabulous. and in addition, starting next week, that is (this week: too hectic), i'll go swimming on either tuesdays or thursdays.

todays' workout left me really frickin' exhausted. which hadn't happened in a while, really. practically crawled off the rowing machine (feeling like p.bateman). and the stretching? hurt. in that really good way. still think that my weights are a bit low in places. got to tinker with them over the next few workouts. yay.

now: sleep.

[nablopomo 16/30]

3250m/15min.

of note: the rowing machine has been making me rather insane, lately. i get all crazy focused and dedicated. patrick bateman-like, kinda.

[not sure, really, what kind of machine he used, though. a climbing machine? or am i confusing him with the evil husband in 'sleeping with the enemy'?]

63kg.

after a week of pretty crappy points counting, i'm finally back to losing again. not s'posed to understand this, am i? tomorrow, ww will reveal their new programme round here. and i'm actually (finally) kinda excited about it. how odd.

in any way, we're having 101cookbooks' autumn potato salad (it's actually wild rice with baked veggies and i'm doing it with a lot less fat). and everything is good, really.

[nablopomo 15/30]

eff off, friday.

today just hasn't been fun. i was flooded with work, stuck in a meeting for two hours and behind on most of my assignments until 5pm or so, when i finally got on top of everything. crappy feeling. snuck out at 2pm for a brief lunch break, however, ate some pumpkin soup, shopped for a few things and then returned to the hell that was my office today.

it's all fine now, obviously, and i wonder whether part of my feeling of being overwhelmed was simply because i got in about 20minutes late this morning (yesterday? knocked me out), felt out of the loop after two days away and just wasn't on top of things, really. oh well. done. over.

last night sucked a wee bit, too: i stayed up too late and suddenly (out of nowhere, really) started digging into the special k 100 kcal-packs we'd brought from our france holiday, and then i started rummaging through the pantry and had a few of those french soy orange biccies. insane, really, and totally pointless. just because i was tired, and alone at home, and hungry. emotionally hungry, really.

i stopped immediately though, and as soon as the bf got home, i told him of what i'd done. it wasn't a binge, by any means, but it was something that really didn't feel good, and just wasn't necessary or healthy. also told him to get rid of the biscuits. they're gone now. good stuff.

in other news, i want to get rid of simple carbs (bread, baked stuff, cakes, cookies, sweets, white stuff) for the next few days (or maybe weeks) again. they're just not doing me any good, especially in light of that damn yeast again. so yeah. of course today has sucked muchly because of that, too. my brain's been crying and shouting and pleading for bread, cookies, sweets, anything, really. during that two hour meeting this morning, it kept making up reasons why it'd be okay to dig into the gummybear smurfs in our office kitchen. insanity.

but all's good now. had a lovely dinner with the guy (who kindly patted down my grilled salmon steak with a tissue to get rid off excess decorative olive oil) and am finally home and relaxed and happy. still got to clean up the guest room now, as my friend a. is coming down for a visit tomorrow. major going out plans tomorrow night, yay. and i will totally not count points then, oh no.

also: it's the weekend. yay.

[nablopomo 13/30]

700km and back

in the past 48 hours:

• the bf and i roadtripped about 1500km in the old passat car of a friend.
• said passat tied on us about 350km from our destination and 4 hours before the bf was scheduled to be there because he had a speaking engagement.
  
• we had to be rescued by adac; their tech got the car running again though, much quieter and reliable than before, too.
  
• i was so stressed out about arriving on time that i really dug into the (mostly healthy) snacks i had prepared and ate way too much and way too much stuff i shouldn't have eaten (three pretzels in a row!) and scratched some spots on my neck bloody... geez. i was a total ball of nerves. but the guy and i? we never bickered. we were such a great team.
  
• we eventually arrived 15 minutes before the bf was due to sit on that podium. pheew. we're awesome like that.
• and the rest of the trip was great.
• apart from waking up with yet another raging yeast infection.
  
• and apart from the drive down. which went by without a hitch, but with killer traffic.
  
• but all in all? the trip was still fun. the kind of fun, though, that we'll never want to have again. oh no.
  

[nablopomo 12/30]

in the zone.

i got up at 6am this morning because i had an unwritten, and still way too unplanned article with a deadline today. everything quite magically worked out, even though it had me working in overdrive till 7:30pm to get everything done. but everything got done, and the story turned out alright and i also resisted the siren call of the gummybear smurfs in the office kitchen who were calling me once i hit 4pm. now, however, i'm freakin' exhausted. day off tomorrow and thursday, though. heading up north for a speaking assignment for the guy. good stuff.

[nablopomo 010/30]

goals, and the reaching thereof.

hello internet, that's me in my underwear.

between these two photos are five months, 10kg (22lb), probably two dress sizes, three cup sizes, roughly 130 gym workouts and quite likely about 100kg of carrots and half a truck of milram frühlingsquark aktiv.

i'm a bit sad, that i never made the effort of taking proper progress pics at regular intervals. totally should have. looking at these two shots, it all doesn't seem that drastic anyway, which is weirding me out quite a bit. was my original shot in june too flattering? or does this loss look a lot more impressive in clothes, anyway? not sure.

so much has changed in these past five months though, and it's not just that jiggle in my thighs that's seriously lessened: i eat better, i love working out again, i have a fab, enjoyable routine. and i'm a runner, even when i'm under a no-running-order.

still not sure what exactly is causing my weird lack of motivation, my general underwhelmment so close to goal. maybe it's my general scepticism of that goal? do i really want to make it happen? can i really make it happen? is stepping it up a notch worth it? or maybe, just maybe, could it be that i am just a wee bit scared of finally arriving at the end of this weight loss journey?

something to think about on the arc trainer tonight, me thinks.

[nablopomo 09/30]

the times they are a-changin.

next week, ww will introduce a new programme in germany. rumours in their crappy forums (that i avoid like the plague, really) are ablaze, and most women there think they're going to put out an adaption of the momentum plan. i'm not that sure, really, because the momentum plan is not that different from what they're promoting round here right now, anyway.

whatever they'll do though: i'm surprisingly concerned about the changes. and at the same time feel totally ridiculous about doing so.

the current ww programme has worked so very well for me, even if my weight loss is oh-so-very slow right now (i'm back to normal again, btw, bye bye mystery 3lb of the past few days). i'm trying really hard to remind myself that the programme is only a tool. it's not the cause of my weight loss. i lost all that weight because i ate less and worked out a shitload. sure, it was by their rules, but in turn, i got a whole new effing lifestyle. and i'm well aware that won't change now, no matter what ww changes. this is not a diet anymore. this is life. my life. and i love it so much that i won't let this feeling go. ever again.

anyway: i'm whining. because if that new programme doesn't work for me? i simply won't follow it. it's that easy, isn't it?

yup.

[nablopomo 08/30]

routine.

"i guess i've grown up, or something."

that's what i thought when walking home this afternoon, after a gym visit that consisted of a hefty lifting session (just two rounds, and i was spent) an hour and 15 minutes of cardio, stretching, a massage and two rounds in the sauna. and a trip to the grocery store to buy lots of healthy stuff to cook dinner for the bf and me tonight. and all that? is a routine now.

how crazy.

i never thought i'd ever be a person with that kind of routine. my life these days is pretty well planned out with work, firmly set gym days (that are only ever changed under dire circumstances), routines with the guy about who cooks dinner when. my life? is regulated. and i really like it that way. which is a bit odd, really. it's still flexible, still jam-packed with good, new experiences. but it's running pretty smoothly because of said routine.

it was all so very different a year and a half ago, five years ago, ten years ago. in my early twenties, i was so very lost at times, clinically depressed, unable to get out of bed for days. it's so odd that it's all so very different.

and i like my routine. oh yes, i do.

daily goal check:

• breakfast at work by 11am - no work today, but a snacky kinda brekkie before heading to the gym
• drink at least 2l of water at work - no work today, but i think i had more than 2l
• no baking at home - YES!
• a lunch break, every day - N.A.
• no more bread rolls during the workday - YES! no work today, and no bread
• workouts on monday, wednesday and saturday - YES!

[nablopomo 06/30]

i'd like some pms to blame, please.

the mysterious weight gain? it continues. another pound up today. if i had a cycle (haha!) i'd at least be able blame this on pms. have no clue what the hell is happening right now. very weird, all that, am trying really hard not to freak out to much. my clothes fit really well, and i look freakin' skinny, so... no idea what's happening here. will try to drink more (helps with water retention, after all) lower my sodium intake, and sweat properly in the sauna tomorrow. tsk.

in other news, i'm feeling much better than yesteday, even though today was just as stressful. the mystery illness has disappeared and the bf's ex has finally succumbed to the reality of what's been happening to her, and i've been on the phone with her for about two hours today. so happy that it's friday, that i can sleep in tomorrow, and work out for a good long while and spend tomorrow night and sunday with the guy. and no one else. good stuff.

am kinda tempted to attempt a run tomorrow. should i, or shouldn't i?

daily goal check:

• breakfast at work by 11am - YES!
  
• drink at least 2l of water at work - NOPE! (prolly about 1l)
  
• no baking at home - YES!
  
• a lunch break, every day - NO!
  
• no more bread rolls during the workday - YES! ('t was hard, though)
  
• workouts on monday, wednesday and saturday - N.A.

[nablopomo 06/30]

worse, worse, worse.

i'm getting sick, the scale showed yet another slightly higher number today (65kg, wtf?) even though i've been so very diligent with everything, the bf is having a guys' night out and staying the night and i am kinda lonely (and did i mention getting sick?), i had no lunch break and worked till 7pm and i spend way too much time researching romance scams and talking to a woman who runs a german support forum for scam victims.

those first few things all suck and explain why i am so tired and out of it right now, but the latter breaks my heart, really. the bf's ex-wife (the mother of his grown daughter) is the victim of a romance scam. you know, the nigerian kind. yup, it happens to real people. real people, who are lonely and needy and don't know how to keep their guards up. the scammer approached her a few months ago, just weeks after she first joined myspace. it's all been pretty horrible, really, drama after drama (including deaths, accidents, comas) and even though the crap her 'fiancé' has told her is exactly like every nigerian scam warning list out there, she still believes he's real. well. managed to track his ips to a known spammer ip. and now i have to break those news to her. duh.

anyway. instead of whining, i should head to bed. today wasn't that great, really. tomorrow will be better. but i won't head to bed before having another piece of superdelicious sea salt choc. won't solve any problems, but will taste awesome.

daily goal check:

• breakfast at work by 11am - YES! (however, it was a giant pretzel. t'was an emergency.)
  
• drink at least 2l of water at work - NOPE! (prolly about 1l)
  
• no baking at home - YES!
  
• a lunch break, every day - NO!
  
• no more bread rolls during the workday - NO!
  
• workouts on monday, wednesday and saturday - N.A.

[nablopomo 05/30]

better, better, better.

during my lunch break today, i had appointment #2 with prof pcos.

turns out, prof pcos is not a good name for him. because he? does not believe in the term pcos. ha. turns out he reckons it's used to a whole bunch of different syndromes, just because they share some symptoms. he prefers the term 'androgen dysfunction syndrome' (not sure whether i translated that alright), and has developed (and just recently published) a classification system for it. according to him, i've androgen dysfunction syndrome level I, which means that it's of ovarian origin (it can apparently also stem from the adrenal cortex or the pancreas) which i guess translates to what others would call 'pcos without insuline resistance'.

prof pcos reckons that two years ago, at 90kg, he would have most likely had to classify me differently, as he reckons my hormones must have been a lot worse back then, so losing all this weight has been really beneficial. he thinks i should definitely stay at this weight or loose just a little bit more. more motivation, that.

in any way, there is nothing i can and nothing i need to do right now. those superlong cycles without ovulation? (147 days today!) they are my normal.

that sucks, yes, but there's not point in stressing about creating cycles for me just for show. should my other symptoms - the shrinking boobs, the hair loss, the hirsutism - ever get too annoying, he'd totally prescribe meds. unless that happens or unless i need birth control or do want to get pregnant, after all, there's nothing to do, really. apart from living healthily and well and checking out the lining of my uterus via ultrasound every once in a while and maybe artifically kickstarting a bleed every few months to keep that all healthy. do-able, i thinkg.

i did ask how this diagnosis would impact my chances of being able to conceive, and he was really optimistic and positive about it. i'd need help, yes, but my ovaries (despite their obvious confusion) seemed relatively happy and healthy. trying to get me to ovulate would be tricky (because of the risk of overstimulation) but definitely possible. he also doesn't expect me to enter menopause early, and said that even though my egg quality would obviously decline, i'd probably have another ten or fifteen years of being able to conceive. phew. even though that's just an opinion, and far from a guarantee and whatnot, it kinda felt as if my biological clock was turned backwards a bit. good stuff. as much as i don't want a kid right now, and can't have a kid with the bf, i think about it so very very much. i can't imagine my life with a kid right now (but isn't it like that for everyone?), but at the same time, i have to admit that i can't really imagine my life without everything that having a kid, a family, entails. i see the bf and his grown-up daughter and it breaks my heart to envision my life missing out on that kind of relationship. it's such a big topic, that one. but right now, i just can't envision leaving the first relationship that has ever really made me happy because of this. maybe i'd never find someone who'd be willing to mix his genes with mine, anyway, and then what?

hard. all of it. it's doubtlessly going to be a hot topic for a good long while.

but anyway. that appointment? was really good. even if not being able to do anything, not being prescribed anything apart from living healthily (hell yes!) is a bit weird. oh well. me=kinda stoked about finally having a diagnosis from a capable source. good stuff.

the rest of the day was so-so. work was kinda busy but actually fun as i got to do a radio interview for (get this) a hungarian radio show (in english) on how the german web scene is reacting to the swine flu. very funny, that. can't wait to hear my voice with added hungarian dubbing. ha!

got out of work by six, spend half an hour buying tights (that's how i roll) and chatting with the saleslady about weight loss (because i was all confused, still, about sizing). i am not officially one of those annoying ladies who tells others to join weight watchers. bad me! then headed to the gym, where i had a nicely exhausting work out. and then dinner, by myself at home. and chocolate.

it's all so much better. oh yes.

daily goal check:

• breakfast at work by 11am - YES! (leftover homemade pumpkin pie)
  
• drink at least 2l of water at work - NOPE! (prolly about 1l)
  
• no baking at home - YES!
  
• a lunch break, every day - KINDA! (got out of the office, but had aforementioned doc appointment)
  
• no more bread rolls during the workday - NOPE! (bad planning meant that i was huuuungry again and lots of work meant that i couldn't prep my carrots, so i had a tiny roll with vegemite. boo!)
• workouts on monday, wednesday and saturday - YES! (15 min rowing, 2 rounds weight circuit as prescribed, weights, 30 min arc trainer, 30 min hypoxy, stretching)
  

[nablopomo 04/30]

realisation. [#1]

if i bring breakfast and lunch, keep healthy snacks around and drink water, work is a lot more fun, i am a lot less cranky and i can't even hear the freakin' siren song of the downstairs bakery.

i am a GENIUS, i tell you!

daily goal check:

• breakfast at work by 11am - YES!
• drink at least 2l of water at work - YES!
• no baking at home - YES!
• a lunch break, every day - NO! (no lunch break, but i got out just after 5:30pm instead and went shopping)
• no more bread rolls during the workday - YES! (had some bread with dinner, though)
• workouts on monday, wednesday and saturday - N.A.
  

[nablopomo 03/30]

stepping it up. [#2]

i did pretty well today: had a stressful day at work, but had very good meals (even though i had a tiny bread roll as a pre-gym snack, because i was oh so very hungry and in a rush, same as always) and a good workout at the gym.

i whined to both trainer frank and trainer thomas about my knees (which HURT again today). frank reckons i should stay away from the arc trainer and use the crosstrainer, thomas reckons i should stay away from both and instead use the stationary bike. the stationary bike bores me to death, though, so i used the crosstrainer today. which was terribly boring as well. listened to one of my fave running tracks while doing so, though, and that kinda helped. not sure yet, as to how to proceed; maybe i'll use a different machine at each visit to equally distribute the boredom?

thomas also made me up all of my weights in the strength circle. he reckons that two sets of much higher weights would be far more efficient than the three i'm doing right now, and he thinks i should up my weights until i practically crawl out of the gym afterwards. i'm not even close, to be honest. since jana first had me do that circle, i haven't really upped anything there, and that's apparently not good enough. quite a sucky feeling, that one - not having done enough, i mean. i added a good 10kg to most machines straight away, and i still think i could put on a lot more. so that's what i'll do on wednesday.

i feel much stronger btw, then last week, and my rowing has been really strong lately.3k in 15 minutes? sure thing! :)


daily goal check:

• breakfast at work by 11am - YES!
• drink at least 2l of water at work - ALMOST! (1l at work, another at the gym)
• no baking at home - YES!
• a lunch break, every day - NO! (no lunch break, but i got out by 6pm instead)
• no more bread rolls during the workday - NO! (one tiny little roll after work, because i was starving, that was ok)
• workouts on monday, wednesday and saturday - YES!

[nablopomo 02/30]

stepping it up.

the weekend is over and i could really do with another two days of doing nothing. that last week? was really exhausting. my best galpal was dumped by her bf on friday night (with no prior indication that anything was wrong), and that has hit me quite a bit and had me think about my own relationship a lot, especially on the heels of thursdays' emotional shake-up.

last night, the bf and i went out with a couple of friends, some of which i hadn't seen in a while: they all commented on my weight loss. my friend s. was all "erm, you've lost some weight there, c., was that intentional?" that was a bit weird, but nice nonetheless.

in other news, my injured knees (they're worse today, after using the arc trainer yesterday, boo!), lack of workouts, partying and the 2009 early fall cake fest seem to have had the wee little impact of a kg more on the scales this morning. i've also worked too much, sucked at planning food at work and did not take lunch breaks. all of which sucks, obviously.

so my (not so hard) goals for this week:

• breakfast at work by 11am
• drink at least 2l of water at work
  
• no baking at home
• a lunch break, every day
  
• no more bread rolls during the workday (they've been slipping back into my meals this past week, damn bread-crack!)
  
• workouts on monday, wednesday and saturday

also: nablopomo!

[nablopomo 1/30]