recovery.

i used to hate people who said "i'm still recovering from that...." days after something had happened to them. i was young, i had no clue. at some point yesterday i realised that i was still recovering from the week with the kids, and the just barely made deadlines, the pms, the everything else. last night, i hung out at home, cooked myself a decent meal and did nothing. nothing at all. and it felt great. and then i slept for a good seven hours or so. and felt even better. and yet even today, i am still recovering from that stress.

guess i'm getting old, harhar.

in any way, i'm in much better spirits right this very moment than i've been in a good long week or so. had an alright day at work, my first lunch break of the year with my friend e. and her adorable kid, went to the gym after work and cooked myself a great, carb-free dinner. and right now, i'm sipping my second cup of gourmet espresso and waiting for the guy to come home. it's all good.

i'm trying to be okay with the fact that i've been so upset with everything this past week because of frickin PMS, but doing so is surprisingly hard. it feels so ridiculous, really. and i feel like a total newbie dealing with it and all it's glory. which i guess i am, because i was on the pill for all my adult life. the pms i struggled with then was of a different kind, really, it had zero physical components, it just made me suicidal (and i'm totally not kidding, it was my then therapist who realised i was on the brink once every four weeks, like clockwork). right now, my body is apparently trying to get herself a proper cycle for the first time in, well, her whole life, and i'm kinda amazed by it, and freaked out. and a wee bit sad for me being so amazed and freaked out. i am 31, not 13. shouldn't i know this stuff already? (like: weight fluctuations? NORMAL! also: thank you, sandrelle, for your fabulous posts on weight and it's fluctuations, pt.1,2,3.)

yesterday, i started reading the beck diet for life, following in jen's footsteps. and i'm blown away by it already. it feels like just the thing i need, really: a training programme for my head. it's been so interesting to just read the first step, without actually doing the exercises yet (i like to know what i get myself into, after all): i've felt so much resistance against the book already, it's very telling. reading it has been a bit like reading diane's fabulous blog: it brings up so many of my own issues that it's a bit too close to comfort at times. which is, obviously, what makes it so very fabulous. in any way, so i'll start working through it, one skill at a time, once i'm done reading the first step. have started gathering my supplies. it will be grand.