hungryhungryhungryhungry.

i'm HUNGRY. right now. right this very moment.

because i most certainly haven't eaten enough protein and fat during the day today. and because eating chopped veggies with quark in the middle of winter for lunch just isn't satisfying enough. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT? (well, i would have, if i had thought about it, that is.)

thankfully, the guy will be home soon. and then we will have dinner, asap, and all will be good. and i will feel awesome for not snacking before dinner, and for having dinner when hungry.

all this? is beck diet-thinking at work. even though i still haven't properly started the programme, with reading my flash cards, and whatnot. what i have changed, so far, however is this, just after reading the first part:

• i've started weighing myself once (and just once) every day, without judging, and writing down that weight;
• i've been planning my meals in the evening for the following day, written that plan down and then followed that plan;
• i've made an effort to eat more slowly;
• i've dealt with hunger, and let myself feel hunger, it's something i've been terribly afraid of while dieting, but it turns out i can deal with hunger, in lots of different ways (like by writing this blog post);
  
• i've defined times when i wanted to eat, and stuck to these times (using e.ggtimer, actually, to prevent myself from snacking right after meals before i'd had time to start feeling satisfied); and
  
• in challenging moments, i've reminded myself why i was abstaining, why i want to be skinny, why i like myself, told myself that i could do it, and gave myself credit.

i actually gave myself a shitload of credit this past week. for going to the gym. for working out. for choosing healthy meals. for sticking to my plans.

it sounds a bit stupid, really, but i rock, for doing all this. i am proud of myself for turning my life around, proud of the changes i have made and will continue to make. i'm proud i'm not crouching in front of the kitchen cupboard right now, chucking down wasabi peanuts by the handful. i can't wait to start cooking (as soon as the guy calls that he's leaving the shop).

one week kinda-in with beck, with barely one foot in the door, and so much is different already.

good stuff, me thinks.

but good grace, am i HUNGRY.