proxy freak-out.

well. that was a wee bit ridiculous, wasn't it?

a day of healthy, within-points eating and three hours of sweating at the gym later (including my week 8, run 3, 30 minutes inside the hypoxy treadmill and a compliment by one of the reception girls, who said that she was impressed by how much weight i'd lost since i joined back in june), and i'm done with my freak-out.

i'm just a wee bit stressed right now: the next few weeks at work before i head off to the south of france are going to be superbusy (colleagues on holiday, new interns, big projects), there's another road trip coming up the weekend after next, we've got houseguests again and my mother is stressing me out quite gloriously right now, too. things have been stressful with my parents for almost a year (haven't visited them since them - 600km away - which they are upset about), and i need to take care of our relationship but just don't feel like doing that right now. not dealing with it and trying to ignore it, however, is not making me any happier though. in addition, i haven't been talking about it with the boyfriend (just not enough time in the evenings, i guess, also upsetting and hence ruining our precious time together), and trying to work this out by myself is obviously not working and just not healthy. kinda like what i did in every relationship so far. need to ask for his input and help.

anyway. i was stressed out about all of this the whole time, and about being sick last week, and whatnot, and instead of freaking out about both of that, i freaked out about that stupid number on the scale. not good.

in any way, my body's feeling a lot better, and i'll start sorting through that other mess on my lunch break today to make my mind feel better as well. and call my mom tonight, even though i don't want to.

i am a runner.

i am a runner now. and it boggles my mind. or maybe i am just pretending to be one? i don't know.

what i do know, though, is that i finished my second run of c25k week five today, and I LOVED IT. i ran faster than i thought that i could, and it was hard, at times, but i really, really loved it. compared to other types of exercise, this is easy and enjoyable and great. i still had energy to smile, believe it or not.

so yeah. i am a runner. crazy.

in motion.

so i've been working out a lot, and haven't even written about it.

my routine right now:

• 5 minutes warm up on the crosstrainer
• 2 rounds milon circle
• 15 minutes power plate
• a variety of weight machines
• 30 minute episode of couch to 5k podcast
• 30 minutes hypoxi treadmill
• stretching
• 15 minute water bed massage

that takes about 2 hours and 45 minutes. my personal trainer jana also made me plans for 1 hour and 90 minute workouts, but so far, i've always done the big ones. the boyfriend was out of town this week, and the week before that, he's been superbusy with his new shop and all, so i've had lots of free time to work out. that will - doubtlessly - change, and i need to accept that and realise that any workout is good and worthwhile, and that i don't need to do everything everytime i get to the gym (even though the hefty price tag makes me want to do just that). i'll give it a try tomorrow. maybe.

the couch to 5k is pretty cool, just finished the week 2 episode for the second time. it made me realise that i never got to week 2 before. ha. (i did a different starting-to-run programme, where i got to week five or so back in late 2005, can't remember). today, i started looking for 5ks to actually run this fall, and there's a local one on september 13 (my anniversary with the boy!), that i might actually sign up for. no: i will sign up for it. next week. no kidding.

me, in a road race? what a weird, intoxicating, awesome thought.