fight to the finish.

in other news, i've decided to take part in fight to the finish, a contest between ryan of no more bacon and mish of eating journey.

my goal: 61kg/134lb by june 2nd. right now, my weight is 64,5kg/142lb. 8lb in six weeks? sounds reasonable. the extra level of accountability and motivation will hopefully do me good and help me stay motivated. so there.

my new (kinda) realistic 2010 fitness goals

goal #1: get happy knees again
my knees are unhappy. and they've been unhappy since late october, and they haven't improved at all, despite not running and icing them all the bloody time.
how will i get there? rest. warmth. physiotherapy. working on hamstrings. stretching. new running shoes. insoles in my regular shoes.
time frame? start asap. significant improvement hopefully within three weeks. full happiness by may 1st. (maybe?)

goal #2: do at least 3 full unassisted pull-ups in a row
considering i can't entertain any running goals right now, this is an upper body one which should keep me entertained for a while.
how will i get there? start with assisted pull-ups, work my way down the assistance levels every week. i started at level 15 (80-something lb support), with 3 sets of 15. i will attempt to lower my level every three workouts, i.e. every week.
time frame? start asap. complete by june 1. (no clue whether that's do-able, to be honest.)

goal #3: run at least one 5k race
maybe the one i ran last year?
how will i get there? get happy knees again, start running again, slowly.
time frame? mid-september?

goal #4: run at least one 10k race
how will i get there? get happy knees again, start running again, slowly, not overdoing it.
time frame? november?

goal #5: learn how to swim proper crawl
putting my grande triathlon goals to rest for the time being gives me more time to learn how to swim properly.
how will i get there? take swimming classes.
time frame? research class by april 1st. start class by june 1, at the latest.

the knees have it.

had a much needed appointment with my trainer tonight. i'd casually been whining to thomas for weeks about my knees, and today we sat down and talked about 'em. for real. while my ortho was kinda indifferent and not exactly helpful, thomas reckons i really, really, really need to tone it all down for now.

which apparently translates to a lot of no's:

• no serious weights on my legs;
• no more hypoxi;
• no arc trainer;
• no crosstrainer; and
• no rowing.

which leaves only super light weights and the stationary bike, with almost no resistance. i whined that this wasn't a hard enough workout, that i needed to sweat, that i wanted to lose weight, that i wanted to push myself, and yadayadayada. thomas scolded me and told me that right now, my focus should be getting my knees happy and healthy again, and that whatever number was on the scale really wasn't something i needed to focus on anymore.

so it will be me, some light weights, my boredom, and the stationary bike. for three weeks. and then we'll check for improvement.

thomas also reckons that i should not entertain any goals this year that involve running. and that competing in a triathlon this summer (and training for it) is totally out of the question. in his opinion my knees would not be able deal with any kind of serious cycling training involving hills either.

my one kinda fun goal for now: learning to do pull-ups.

can't tell you how sad & defeated i feel right now.

stepping it up. [#2]

i did pretty well today: had a stressful day at work, but had very good meals (even though i had a tiny bread roll as a pre-gym snack, because i was oh so very hungry and in a rush, same as always) and a good workout at the gym.

i whined to both trainer frank and trainer thomas about my knees (which HURT again today). frank reckons i should stay away from the arc trainer and use the crosstrainer, thomas reckons i should stay away from both and instead use the stationary bike. the stationary bike bores me to death, though, so i used the crosstrainer today. which was terribly boring as well. listened to one of my fave running tracks while doing so, though, and that kinda helped. not sure yet, as to how to proceed; maybe i'll use a different machine at each visit to equally distribute the boredom?

thomas also made me up all of my weights in the strength circle. he reckons that two sets of much higher weights would be far more efficient than the three i'm doing right now, and he thinks i should up my weights until i practically crawl out of the gym afterwards. i'm not even close, to be honest. since jana first had me do that circle, i haven't really upped anything there, and that's apparently not good enough. quite a sucky feeling, that one - not having done enough, i mean. i added a good 10kg to most machines straight away, and i still think i could put on a lot more. so that's what i'll do on wednesday.

i feel much stronger btw, then last week, and my rowing has been really strong lately.3k in 15 minutes? sure thing! :)


daily goal check:

• breakfast at work by 11am - YES!
• drink at least 2l of water at work - ALMOST! (1l at work, another at the gym)
• no baking at home - YES!
• a lunch break, every day - NO! (no lunch break, but i got out by 6pm instead)
• no more bread rolls during the workday - NO! (one tiny little roll after work, because i was starving, that was ok)
• workouts on monday, wednesday and saturday - YES!

[nablopomo 02/30]

stepping it up.

the weekend is over and i could really do with another two days of doing nothing. that last week? was really exhausting. my best galpal was dumped by her bf on friday night (with no prior indication that anything was wrong), and that has hit me quite a bit and had me think about my own relationship a lot, especially on the heels of thursdays' emotional shake-up.

last night, the bf and i went out with a couple of friends, some of which i hadn't seen in a while: they all commented on my weight loss. my friend s. was all "erm, you've lost some weight there, c., was that intentional?" that was a bit weird, but nice nonetheless.

in other news, my injured knees (they're worse today, after using the arc trainer yesterday, boo!), lack of workouts, partying and the 2009 early fall cake fest seem to have had the wee little impact of a kg more on the scales this morning. i've also worked too much, sucked at planning food at work and did not take lunch breaks. all of which sucks, obviously.

so my (not so hard) goals for this week:

• breakfast at work by 11am
• drink at least 2l of water at work
  
• no baking at home
• a lunch break, every day
  
• no more bread rolls during the workday (they've been slipping back into my meals this past week, damn bread-crack!)
  
• workouts on monday, wednesday and saturday

also: nablopomo!

[nablopomo 1/30]

two down, sixteen to go.

missing bikram.

i actually skipped a goal on saturdays' post.

#4 - bikram yoga
i want to have a dedicated bikram yoga practice. and train to become a bikram yoga teacher, as soon as i've had a solid practice for at least 18 months.

why did i skip that one? because right now, i just don't see how that might be attainable. there is, quite simply, no bikram studio round here, and none in sight, either, even though this town with it's large population of aging 68'ers and students would be perfect for one.

until i get a regular studio practice (you can do it by yourself, but it's just not the same without the heat and the group energy), i can't do teachers' training (which i couldn't afford time nor money wise anyway). while doing yoga during our trip this past week, in the bright sunshine on the porch of e. & l.'s house, with red earth on my mat and bikram's dialogue in my ear, i realised just how much i miss moving that way.

it sounds so corny, but bikram yoga turned my life around. i went to my first class (in the town where my ex lived) at almost 90kg in march 2008, and that class? made me want to eat better, be skinnier, healthier.

i thought that i was dying during my first class. the second class had me longing for apples. and after my third class i wrote: "today, during my third class, i understood that bikram, the intensity, the heat, the sweat, is just what i need right now. 'you can't run away from your body', the instructor said, and she's right, obviously. i looked at and worked with my body today and it was incredibly hard and incredibly satisfying. and sweaty. i'll go again tomorrow." that, people? that makes me weep. i had no clue back then, just where i was headed on this journey. and how long and hard (and eventually satisfying) looking at and working with my body would be.

"never too late, never too old, never too bad, never too sick...to start from scratch and begin once again." that quote by bikram was on my very first 'ten days for ten euros'-membership card to my former studio. and that quote? is spot on. i was this close to giving up on myself, my body, my health. but i didn't. because the yoga showed me, that i could work my way to a clean slate again.

truth be told, i have no idea just how i got through class back then. i was so unfit. so heavy. but i did. i was also unhappy in so many ways back then, a tight ball of sadness that struggled mightily in camel pose. but bikram yoga? made me feel better. and showed me that i could feel better, if at first only for that hour or two directly after class, the post-bikram high.

i long for the hot floor, the studio, the teachers, the other people in class. i miss my fave spot in front row, right corner, under the heater. i was so sad when i went to what i knew was going to be my last class, just before i left the ex. i still get incredibly sad when i get the email newsletter from my former studio. i miss it so much.

bikram yoga feels so natural to me, as if my body was made to move and be challenged that way. during my solo practice last week, it was nice to realise that some poses are much easier now that i've lost some weight; like eagle - i can slide my legs much better these days.

i will not give up on this goal, though. i will try to incorporate bikram yoga into my life by doing one class a fortnight by myself at home (better than nothing, and a do-able time commitment) and going to real classes whenever i get the chance, mainly when travelling to berlin or hamburg. i'll try to fit in one longer berlin trip sometime this winter, and will go to class every day then (even though the berlin studio is nowhere near as good as my old one).

i'm sure one day the rest will fall into place somehow.

64,5kg.

start: 89,3kg | 196lb | bmi 32
original ww goal: 65kg | 143lb | bmi 23
current: 64,5kg | 142lb | bmi 23
loss this week: -1,2kg | 2lb
loss: 24,8kg | 54lb




i never thought i could achieve this, ever, when i first typed that goal weight into the weight watchers website 523 days ago, in late april 2008. it was just an arbitrary weight, so much lower than anything i had ever weighed as an adult. a number so low it didn't seem do-able. my dream-number, really.

and now i've lost all this weight, 54lb (one large guinean barracuda, apparently). i am in a better physical and mental shape than ever before in my life. i can run 5k in 26:10 minutes. and i can wear size 38 dresses and need a size small at h&m. it boggles the mind.

i patted myself on the back for a few minutes after entering my current weight into the ww website and enjoying the goal weight-stars flashing.

and then changed my goal weight to 62kg. but that? is just fine-tuning.

10k.

and talking of goals: there's a 10k in a nearby town on november 8. actually, there's both a 5k and a 10k that day. and that 10k? is tempting me. evil little thing.

pros:

• further than i've ever run
• the prep will keep me motivated through october
• nice location

cons:

• further than i've ever run
• are four weeks enough prep time?

i'll definitely run that day, unless there's a giant appointment clash that weekend. got to talk to the bf about it.

i'd actually wanted to save my first 10k-thing for spring, to keep myself motivated through fall and winter. but maybe i should just do it now and get it over with?

new frontiers.

i got on the scale this morning, and it showed 65,3kg. so i might hit my official weight watchers goal of 65kg at my official weigh-in tomorrow. and if not tomorrow, then probably next week. it's about time, no doubt. i've been at this weight for four weeks. over work stress, travels, my first 5k, holidays, i kinda slipped into maintain-mode this past month. even though i'm not there yet (wherever there is, anyway).

but yeah. that weight watchers goal. i am almost there. i will be there, soon. so it's time for some new goals.

goal #3 - weight:
i want my weight to eventually settle somwhere between 60 and 62kg.

i will keep counting points after hitting my official weight watchers goal and will regularly re-assess how i feel at whatever lower weight in that range. right now, at a little more than 65kg, i fit into size 38 and 36 and wear a size 30 jeans. a smaller jeans size and consistent 36s would be awesome, but anything drastically smaller could potentially suck, simply because of clothes availability.

goal #2 - triathlon:
on 27 june 2010, i want to participate in a local triathlon event.

that event consists of a 400m swim (in a natural lake), a 25k ride and a 4k run. while i always loved working out (when i got my ass up and going, that is), i've never been a particularly athletic person. so far. and a triathlon? is totally out of my league. but i have no doubt that i can do this. even though, right now, i don't even own a bike i could use. or a swimsuit that fits. or can actually swim proper crawl. all that will change. (and yes, i am majorly inspired to do this because of linda. obviously.)

goal #2, subgoal a: over the winter, i will find myself a swimming coach and learn to properly swim breaststroke and crawl. and i will swim once a week, after work.

goal #2, subgoal b: i will save money for and research suitable bikes over the winter and purchase one in spring of 2010. and i will then train with it. in some way that i don't yet know about. ha.

and well, then there is this one, the biggest one, that kinda depends on goal#2, subgoal b:




goal #1 - mont ventoux
in late september 2011, i will cycle up mont ventoux.

mont ventoux is one giant ass-kicking hill in provence, 1910m high, a legendary col of the tour de france. i've been wanting to ride up ever since i got into following the tour de france (thank you, lance armstrong!); i'm still not sure, why exactly i fell in love with that mountain, without ever having been there, but i did. the three times it was featured in the tour in the past decade, i watched the stages and marvelled at the eeriness of the landscape, the craziness of the ascent. i love ventoux. i just do.

during one of my failed getting-fit-attempts in 2001, i briefly entertained the thought of cycling up that mountain. "apart from needing a new bike, i need to loose a good amount of weight (15kgs or whatnot)", i wrote in a different blog back then. "there is no way i'll carry all what's on my hips at the moment up on that mountain (or all the mountain's that i'll do in preparation of it). no way at all. i guess it'll all sort itself out over the months as i get into work-out and training mode (and spend all of my free-time on a bike), but right now, it all looks like a mountain even higher than ventoux itself." well, i've crossed that mountain. there are no more excuses.

on wednesday, the boyfriend and i drove up mont ventoux. in a car. it was one of the things i really wanted to do during this holiday, and the boyfriend happily obliged, even though he had no idea what that mountain was all about. when we first saw it, driving out of carpentras, i couldn't believe my eyes, really. coming out of the plains, it looks completely surreal, looming above everything.

driving up from bedoin, i had tears in my eyes passing every single cyclist (wanting to cheer "allez! allez! allez!" for each and every one of 'em) and every time the bf reached for my hand. i smiled at every riders' name written on the road and told the bf a couple of glorious tour de france stories of ventoux. we also stopped at the memorial for tom simpson, the rider who died on the ascent during the 1967 tour. the drive up was unbelievably beautiful. and those last few k, above the treeline, were just about breathtaking.



how good that i've already seen it all. i won't be able to enjoy it that much during my ride up.

i will cycle up mont ventoux. and that will be hard. very very hard. training for this will be very very hard, too. i will have to ride a bike that i do not yet own (the cruiser i ride to and from work right now? it doesn't even have gears) up a shitload of hills round here. and geez, i hate hills. and the thought of riding up even one of 'em scares me shitless.

there are two paths to choose from on the south side of mont ventoux: from sault, it's 1210 m over 26 km (average gradient of 4,4%), from bedoin it's 1617 m over 21,8 km (average gradient of 7.43%). so the sault trip is longer, but easier, and hence the more popular. i talked to two dutch guys who had just taken that trip, and it took them just about two hours from sault. and two hours of full-on maximum exertion? are do-able. they might be horrible and nasty and painful, but they're just two hours (for me: more likely three), really.

i could have picked a harder goal, really. the 100k of millau take more than 8 hours. ironman more than 12. first time marathoners easily need four hours. compared to that, two hours on a bike are pretty survivable. and well, i don't have to ride 200k before that ascent, like the tdf pros. that's a plus.

oh, and up on that mountain, after riding up, i will eat a piece of castel cake made by patisserie martichon in carpentras. oh yes, i will.

reality check.

well. i just realised today that the munchies were not without effect on my eating after all: i went above points three times this week. once on tuesday (by effing NINE POINT FIVE) through pizza and sorbet with a friend (should have had pasta and no sorbet), on thursday with RICE CAKES (by two points) because the boyfriend got home so very late for dinner and i was starving and then yesterday with our killer 'as fast food as we get'-dinner of fish fingers and potatoes. by seven points. crazy.

so yeah. considering how much i've worked out (38 points worth), and the fact i've saved points on other days (total save this week, depending on what i eat for the rest of the day somwhere between 24 or 28) this isn't a real drama or anything. but i certainly let things slide a tiny little bit this week, foodwise and that HAS TO STOP, because the next weeks will quite likely not be as awesome, gym-wise, with all the upcoming travels and whatnot.

immediate goals for this coming week:

* no more whole wheat bread lunches
* eat at least one piece of fruit/vege as a snack
* wait at least an hour after brekkie before eating again (have been chucking down protein bars right after my carrots lately)

should be easy enough, shouldn't it?

limboland.

it's been a bit weird this past week. i miss bikram and the bikram bruises and the bliss and i miss the bf and i miss time to move. i feel good and skinny, but for the first half of the week, quite likely due to constipation and some serious water retention (from the heat? the lack of sweating? the sitting at work?), on my wednesday weigh-in day, i weighed a kilo more than before i headed off to the bf. right now, the scale is showing a 75 before the comma, so no need to panic as of yet. i have been eating lots though, kinda continueing the eating i did at the bfs where i was sweating my ass off once for 90 minutes every day, and i am hungry, tired and bored. didn't go proper grocery shopping until saturday, really. not too awesome.

after an enjoyable drinking binge (3 radlers, 2 g&ts) on friday night with some friends, i've basically slept all weekend, made myself good meals and got my hair cut. am feeling better already, apart from the feeling i get looking at my wrecked appartment, which i totally need to clean up at little tonight. or a lot, actually. i didn't really feel particularly in control of my life this week.

one of my major motivations fell through this week, too. i'd been kinda goaling towards weighing 70kg in early november, when a friend was supposed to visit (to wow him and all), and this week, his trip overseas was postponed till next spring. i guess it's nice to have more time to look hot, but still. bit of a bummer.

oh well. my goals for this coming week:

• eating 16 points every day (saving 4 every day);
  
• eating breakfast at work every day, preferrably veges or fruit;
  
• drinking enough water;
  
• taking my vitamin every morning at my desk; and
  
• finally doing turbo jam.

go me!