weigh-in woes.

last sunday, the scale showed 67,1kg. yesterday it was 67,5kg. this morning, it was 68kg. i decided not to cheat and typed 68kg into the weight watchers site this morning, and got that condescending little "it looks like you gained a little"-note.

my first 'gain' since may.

boo.

i should not be surprised, though. crappy eating this weekend, just two workout sessions last week (and i had to skip yesterday's scheduled session, because of working late), and crappy eating all day yesterday, despite my best intentions. i had sorbet twice, because it's superhot right now, and i feel all puffed up and yuck. pcos is giving me perpetual pms, i swear. cd 69 today. (conversation in our household last night, as i was looking at my cycle calendar: "i'm on cd 68, btw." "do you think you'll ever have a period ever again?" "no.")

but yeah. wake-up call. yadda, yadda, yadda. can't let my guard down. gotta step it up at notch. blablabla.

you know what? i hate this. i really, really, really do. i hate what the last few weeks have been like, weight-wise, and stress-wise, and sleep-wise. i am happy, yes, life is awesome, yes, but i am tired. and i need a holiday. not freaking sorbet. not bread.

i know that this fluctuation is nothing, normal, water, quite likely, not fat. i have not magically grown a kilo of fat on my hips overnight, or even over the past week. no way. but this weigh-in comes after being stuck at 67,something kg for three weeks. and i'm just tired of it all right now.

i want to lose these last few kilos, and it sucks that it's getting harder and that i'm so stressed out right now with work, that i've been planning so badly and getting hungry, and that i am tired, tired, tired. i've been letting down my guard, eating freaking bread (seriously, my downfall), and i just can't do that. not now. maybe never.

i need to try harder.

the bf reminded me, that even at goal (faraway, so close), i'd obviously have some weight fluctuations, because skinny people have those, and don't care, and i won't lose any sleep over this, but i'm PISSED OFF. at myself, obviously.

immediate measures:

• no more bread this week. none. i have to go cold turkey. they're my crack, those carbs. over the past few weeks, i'd let those tomato-mozzarella-whole wheat-rolls from the bakery down the road slide into my meals, like, three times a week. no more. they are not good for me. at all.
• slow down the snacking, unless it's fruit & veges. before i give in to those powerbars i keep in the fridge, i'll make myself wait 15 minutes to figure out whether i really want one.
• two full-programme gym trips - wednesday and saturday, i'll do my whole programme, including those 30minute-hypoxy-sessions. when in dropped those, a few weeks ago, my weight loss slowed down.
• in order to accomplish that, i need to get out of the office by 6pm. focus more during the workday, leave earlier.
• go do bed before midnight. and set the alarm no earlier than 7:30am.

i love myself. too much not to lose these past few kilos.