pouring.

my mom's in the hospital. she's been there since saturday, which i didn't find out because my mobile was turned off. remember: we had argued all week, and i wanted to let things cool down a bit before being in touch again. bad timing on my part, that.

found out yesterday morning, when she called me at work to tell me. she's been hospitalised for cardiac arrhythmia, and was in the icu for two days. her docs are kinda using a medicate and wait-tactic right now, she's on bisoplolol and they're observing what's happening. no talk of shocking or giving her a pace maker as of yet. still awful. everything.

i'm scared for her, and feel terribly guilty. because she has - of course - given me that 'our fight has been stressing me out so much"-talk and again urged me to visit, which i can't possibly do before october. unless i ditch all my holiday plans, which i don't feel like doing.

[and i am also really happy that i am looking after my health these days and working out and running and eating well.]

duh.

and something else has been worrying me since this morning (and i am all concerned that this will be the foreshadow-y blog entry i'll re-read for the rest of my life): there's a strange little sore in my mouth at the very back of my jaw, right next to my right molar. as i was eating dinner last night, it suddenly felt like i had logged some food right behind my molar. unsuccessfully tried to get rid of whatever was there with various dental tools last night. it was so annoying, that i asked r. for help, but there was nothing he could do and he was like "it looks like you've got some weird little growth there". well.

that annoying feeling of having something stuck behind my tooth persisted this morning, so i called my dentist, who saw me just a few hours ago. and there's nothing stuck. what's annoying me is a sore. he showed it to me and it's kinda plaque-y and white, and he put some medication on it that's supposed to get rid of it, and he told me that if it wasn't better in two days, i'd need to come back in for a biopsy. "in young patients like you, we really want to check these kinds of things out."

uh.

guess what? it's not a good idea to google "oral cancer symptoms", when you've got a mystery sore in your mouth that your dentist wants to biopsy. and whatever is hanging out there is making me a wee bit uncomfy, and some lymph nodes on that side of my jaw are swollen, too.

it's probably nothing, i know. but still.

if this thing is not better by tomorrow night, i'll have my dentist check it out again on friday morning before we head to switzerland.