still overweight.

but just barely.

these have been fab weeks. i'm down to 72,9kg, some mornings. thank you, stress. 72,9kg. weeh.

i only realised this week that my bmi was 31 when i started. now it's 25. i'll soon be below that for the first time in my adult life. yes, the whole bmi thing is faulty and fucked up, but still, i can't wait for someone to put the "normal" label on me. i hadn't realised that at 31, i was considered obese. obese. looking back at it? yes, a bmi of 31 on me? is obese.

i've been feeling pretty fabulous lately. maybe it's the higher synthroid dose kicking in or something; i feel alive and fit but sleep too little. and i am wearing clothes i bought years and years ago. and almost everything is too large. yesterday, i wore a grey corduroy skirt that i bought in the fall of 2005 and it was too roomy. crazy. i very urgently need some new jeans. my skinny pair that i first re-wore on july 14? almost unwearable now. they are baggy and slide off me.

i am starting to like my body again. i look at it in the mirror again. i take care of it, i shave and exfoliate and moisturize and i love it when someone touches me. it's good, all good.

last night though, i ate out of stress, for the first time in months. it's been an emotionally stressful few days (and rightfully so, i'm turning my whole life around), so last night, in a foul mood and when buying toilet paper, i bought some semolina pudding baby food and wasabi peanuts. and i ate them in bed, like back in the fat days. and i felt somewhat better afterwards.

i need to watch this: medicating with food is a bad, bad idea, and a habit i don't want to get back into. now, this was once, and the situation was (and is) pretty damn horrible and another reason for the tiny binge is that i just got back from a business trip this week and just haven't been grocery shopping properly yet. i'm forgiving myself on that one.

anyway. project for this weekend: quite possibly buying some cheapo jeans at h&m to get me through the next few weeks. i'll buy them a wee bit too small to make them last somewhat longer. can't wait, really.

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