i just tried on a pair of black pants i bought in march 2005, and which i pretty much wore constantly for the next few months. it's a pair of size 10 black pants. and they fit. now. rather perfectly, too. holy. shit.

i wore these pants all through 2005, and in 2006, to lots of nights out with my best friend, and these pants got me laid, more than once as well.

and now i get to wear them again.


i don't know why this freaks me out so much. i think subconsciously, i haven't really grasped that i am indeed losing weight, and have already lost a lot and currently weigh about what i've weighed most of my adult life, a perfectly okay weight. maybe it is because i hardly get feedback from anyone. it's just me, my scale, my mirror, my clothes. i think part of me - physical disconnect and all - still fears that i am just imagining this. but i am not. wow. i got my black pants back. hooray.

i noticed a definite change on friday, being out and about with some casual friends: i kept getting hit on, and i felt beautiful. and looked good in photos one of them kept snapping. happiness. yes.

[i just tried on my skinniest piece of clothing, a thrifted high waisted woolen pleated skirt that i wore in january 2006 as part of a costume for a party. it is still way too tight, but i can zip it up all the way. and close the button. weeh.]

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