fuel vs. happiness.

ben wrote something smart this week:

"food is fuel for the body, not a source of happiness.
this is something i constantly need to remind myself."

and he's right, of course.

however.

for me, good fuel is also a source of happiness. fresh, homecooked, healthy and delicious food that i want to eat and that makes me feel good makes me happy. it's an expression of self-love, that good food. i feed myself well, because i love myself. and that self-love? makes me happy.

this morning, after i got home from the gym (i went to the gym at 9am on boxing day, crazy me), i snacked on an apple, a banana, a slice of honey cake that i'd baked yesterday, a zimtstern that my mom had sent from a bakery at home and two organic marzipan potatoes with 70% almond content (super high quality). and that? made me happy. because it was a snack that was just right for that very moment. indulgent, kinda. but just right. and a much better choice than anything i'd eaten say, a year ago. back in the day, i would eat entire bags of marzipan potatoes as dessert after my work lunch. which didn't bring me any lasting happiness at all, i might add.

the past few days were full of good fuel that made me happy. the bf and i, we've spend a good long time every day in the kitchen, cooking and baking and cleaning up afterwards. and all that made me happy as well. we always cook from scratch anyway, but having the time to cook elaborate stuff is so! much! fun! yesterday, he made monkfish wrapped in pesto-covered eggplant, which was healthy and heavenly and happiness-inducing, at the same time. ignoring and/or denying the happiness aspect of that meal would be plain evil. and well: a lie.

and yet.

i am well aware that the reason i finally lost weight this time around (and why i believe it will stay off for good, too) is because i primarily eat for fuel, and because i have retrained myself, as to what food happiness is. these days, it's not pringles and choco crossies. it's making healthy choices. and it's a much better, much longer lasting feeling, that happiness: it's feeling good before, during and after a snack like this morning's, not for the two minutes (if at all) that wolfing down a bag of cheap marzipan potatoes at my desk used to take.

maybe fuel and happiness can be comrades, not necessarily enemies. or so.