lightbulb moments.

i've realised something very weird sometime these past days, and it was a total lightbulb moment: i am not dieting and working out in order to be a specific way on a specific day or to achieve a specific goal (look hot on day xy, make soandso love me) - i am doing this for life. this change is forever. i want to be fit and healthy and active for the rest of my life.

seriously - i hadn't fully realised this, how weird. this is my life now. this is what it will be like forever. chocolate and pizza will always be treats. for the rest of my life. and that's okay. this is not a change for a few weeks or months, this is forever. veges and fruit are my prime source of energy. i will be spending my free time on the treadmill and at the gym or running or cycling or doing a sport that i don't even know about yet. i will be washing triumph sports bras with every load of washing that i do. buy more running shoes. be able to buy clothes because they look awesome, not because they are the only thing i could get that fits.

at work today, i looked at some photos from last year, and i realised something else (another lightbulb moment, yay!): at 90kg? i was fat.

i'm not anymore. i'm not skinny yet, but i am not fat anymore. i look so much better and i feel so much better. the change in how i feel in the past two weeks, since joining the new gym, has been incredible. i love what my body looks like now, i love what it feels like now, that there are muscles in my legs that are firm and that my belly's got structure (at least a tiny little bit). it's so odd that i'm seeing so much change so quickly, it's like my body has been longing for this and is so happy about all the activity that he's complying so willingly. or maybe i am imagining things.

got two more compliments today: colleague c., who hasn't seen me in at least six months, asked me, whether i had lost weight. and t., who's the boss of my friend m., didn't recognize me. that's pretty awesome, i reckon.

i'm so curious about what i can (and will) achieve, fitness and weightwise; so curious as to what i will look like, in this new life of mine. (which is a weird notion, because i am already in the middle of it and all, and looking good, but still.) what will my body look like? can i ever get legs, that are all muscly and strong, without fat knees? can i get defined arms and a strong, firm belly? i guess i can. i'll most certainly give it a try. my best try, too.

it's all good. and so very easy. weeh!