my body's still not back to normal. i'm still bloated and crampy and just feeling off. and yet i'm feeling  better. it's all about the frame of mind, innit? i've been trying to listen to my body, eating when i'm hungry, and eating stuff that i am hungry for, and on wednesday evening, i made it to the gym and decided on a whim that i needed a yoga class, not my usual workout, and that felt good as well. i'm so glad i can be flexible about my workout habits, these days. i struggled with that big time in the past, one of the many reasons why i never managed to make my habits last.

i realised anyway, that i really need to give myself some credit. i've now managed to work out consistently for a whole year, and i am fitter than i've ever been. i've now been pretty consistently feeding myself well for more than two years. today, i ran into a friend of r. who hadn't seen me in a while and who said "good grace, girl, you've lost a ton of weight!". as i am writing this,  i am wearing a size 36 dress. what i am learning to do right now is maintenance. i've never been at this spot, ever before. i've got no idea how this works. it's not surprising that i'm not that great at doing it yet, and on top of that, my poor body is majorly confused, hormone wise. it'll all be good. i'll get there.

in any way, i want to kick my own ass back into gear, for a while. in a loving way, obviously. to make myself feel better. because if i'm really honest with myself: i'm just a wee bit too comfy with everything, right now. i'm doing barely enough.

and i got jillian michaels newsletter today. 

"you know what i like to call those last 10 or 15 pounds that won't come off no matter what you do? vanity pounds. the term describes our desire to lose weight that, as far as our bodies are concerned, actually feels healthy. today's society pressures us to want to look a certain way, so for aesthetic reasons we try to be thinner than our bodies want us to be. personally, i have gained and lost the same 8 vanity pounds more times than i care to admit.  losing your first 50 pounds might have been tough, but believe me, dropping those final few stubborn pounds is a whole different challenge. the body struggles to hold on to that last bit of fat for survival purposes."

 oh yes.

so i decided that i will be doing what jillian recommends to lose that weight anyway:

  1. cut your sodium to 1,000 mg a day.
  2. drink at least 80 ounces of water daily.
  3. cut out processed foods.
  4. abstain from alcohol.
  5. train at 85 percent of your MHR (maximum heart rate) for 1 hour 5 times a week.

i'm properly starting tomorrow morning. and no, it's not a case of the tomorrows (you know those tomorrows, right? it's the ones that never ever happen.). i was telling myself i wasn't going to start this before july 1st, because starting asap will mean that i won't get to booze up on my birthday, at the big awards thing i'm going to at the end of the month and at the national gig i'm heading to in early july. but i am starting asap. and it will be worth it.

i made a lovely little motivational chart to put up on the fridge. i've got no idea yet how to get all that cardio done, but it's only 30 days and 20 workouts. i can totally do this.

kick, kick!

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