status update.

it ain't easy, this trying to eat well and move and listen to my body-thing.

i've been very gently watching what i eat and couting points and am amazed every day by how quickly i run out of points. i'm even more amazed, however, by my urge to eat and eat and eat, even when i'm not hungry, even though it's much less stressful at our house right now (omg, no houseguests in five days! oh, look! that'll change tonight again! blergh.), even though we're heading off to italy tomorrow.

i finally started reading 'breaking free from emotional eating' (i bought it right after reading 'when food is love' in april) and it's an eye-opener in every way. no wonder i put off reading it for months, and even now, i've started (and almost finished) another book. just thinking about all this is tiring and touchy and whatnot. ordered the workbook to go with it, and will force, no, gently coax myself through it as well.

i'm just not feeling that great physically. i'm supertired and demotivated at work, and i threw my back out yet again over the weekend, and practically haven't moved my head since sunday (imagine me riding my bike home yesterday....that was not road safe.). saw a doc yesterday who told me i should simply take painkillers (helpful, that, who would have thought!), got myself am appointment with my ortho next week, and am seeing chris in just about 90 minutes (for the third time in two weeks, mind you). oh well.

on top of everything, the weekend was...indulgent. i drank booze for the first time in months really (made me realise while i haven't done that in a while), there was my boss' wedding (where the food was kinda crappy, but where i ate too much of the only food that was nice - cake!), an excursion to a winery on sunday and some salty food, and now i'm retaining water like crazy (which made me realise, yet again, why i stopped weighing myself). i feel all swollen and squishy and uncomfy and am (seriously, someone kick me for typing this) hoping this is not my cycle again (cd 17 today). reminding myself to drink lots, and tonight, i'll do some kind of workout and follow up with the sauna. likely a yoga class, anything else would be a very bad idea.

baby steps, baby steps.


Lizzie said...


emailing now....
Love you


Pinky said...

be gentle and forgiving of yourself. you'll get there.