square # whatever.

i got to start using this space again. because not using this space is not working anymore. tautology ftw! i've been struggling with being healthy, lately. which is good, i guess, because struggling means that you haven't given up yet, right? isn't that how the saying goes? fact is: life's been hectic in recent months, and with life being hectic came missed gym dates and crappy lunches and cake in the afternoon, because life's been so hectic. and then there were two wonderful holidays without workouts and three weeks looking after the kiddo, and then the time was switched over last weekend, and now it's dark, all of a sudden, and my clothes fit weird and i'm not feeling so great. also, this morning i got on the scale at my gp, and even though i swore that i didn't want to know the number, i saw it. so there. it's still different, life. and better, of course. i've just lost my track a bit, and i'm hungry, so hungry (haha!), to regain it. to be more conscious about everything again, above all myself and what's happening to me and how i'm making the best of everything. haven't been doing that lately, really. i suspect that my being hectic and my not looking after myself so well is an attempt to make myself miserable in the most easy way so that i've got something to spend my time on and don't get a chance to tackle the stuff that's actually important. or something. weird theory, that one, i admit. and yet. i ran a lot, this summer, spending 16 weeks preparing for a 10k. it was hard work, but it was worth it. i reached my goal of running the 10 in less than 60 minutes. running that much really burned me out though. i was barely able to do anything besides running, was always superhungry and while my stamina improved, the rest of my physical skills really declined. after the race, i took some time off running, started lifting weights again and did tons and tons of ashtanga (three or four classes a week), and that was fine and dandy, but then came the holidays and the stress, and now i've been sitting on my bum for weeks, being hormonal and miserable. speaking of hormones: i suspect it's my weight gain that's made my cycles all wonky, out of a sudden. they'd been quite alright and more or less regular from june 2010 till june 2011. maybe the weight i was then was the best weight for my wonky pcos-enhanced endocrine system. who knows. fact is: right now i'm not feeling too good, and i want to feel better. and clothes i want to wear without tugging on them all the time. and there's this half marathon that i want to run on april 1st and that i'll have to start training for in mid december. so i'll get back to basics: good old weight training three times a week & points counting. and i'll take it all from there. been there, done that, right?

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